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A Samaritan, 2 blonds and an artist!

Post your favorite jokes and funnies here....
We can be a little risque and a little cheeky ...but please... keep it clean .
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A place to post your jokes and funnies...

Risque and cheeky are fine... but please keep it clean .

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A Samaritan, 2 blonds and an artist!

Postby amusingmymuse » Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:25 pm

Here are a few funnies for a slow Sunday!! The first ones are OT the last one is painting related, enjoy...

A HELPING HAND :)
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

HERD OF SHEEP :)
There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382." "Wow!" said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you". "What is it?" queried the woman. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

FIRST CLASS BLONDE ;roflmao:
A blonde bombshell walks into the airplane and sits in first class and the stewardess asks her for her ticket. The stewardess tells her that she only has a coach ticket. The blonde says, "I'm a cute looking blonde and I'm flying first class." The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta. The blonde then retorts, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm flying first class". Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening. The blonde tells him, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm flying first class." The captain whispers in her ear and the blonde gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach cabin. The stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move so fast. He replied, "I told her that first class is not going to Atlanta."

FAMOUS PAINTER :artist:
There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art-the doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?" The eye doctor responded, "I said to myself, 'Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.'"
amusingmymuse
 
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