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?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Post your favorite jokes and funnies here....
We can be a little risque and a little cheeky ...but please... keep it clean .
Forum rules
A place to post your jokes and funnies...

Risque and cheeky are fine... but please keep it clean .

If you post something that might be a little risque, please use the " risque" topic icon in your title to warn those who might not want to read such material .

Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby Mary Lou » Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:29 am

Wrong E-Mail

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. Soooo, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Mary Lou
 
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The Kiss

Postby Christine Bennetts » Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:34 pm

The Kiss
A cabbie picks up a Nun in San Francisco . She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.' The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Richard and I'm going to a Halloween party.
Christine in Southport,UK
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Grandma is driving

Postby Christine Bennetts » Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:36 pm

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing. Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Will write again soon.

Love, Grandma
Christine in Southport,UK
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Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby Christine Bennetts » Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:17 am

;bravo;


Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat,
they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and said, "Kin ya swaller?"


The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down
her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his
tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his
table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Christine in Southport,UK
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Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby amusingmymuse » Mon Dec 13, 2010 1:07 am

Hahahaha!! It's a good thing we dont have to vote on our favorite naughty corner submission!!!
Thanks for posting these...we need to laugh!!!
Rachel Maria
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Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby Christine Bennetts » Sun Dec 26, 2010 5:54 am

Drinking in Dublin

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

When he finishes all three, he goes back to the bar and orders three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it.............................. your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin.
When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way .......... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh,

"Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine!

Tis me................ I've quit drinking!"
Christine in Southport,UK
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Christine Bennetts
 
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Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby TerryS » Sun Dec 26, 2010 10:25 am

I don't see any pictures here Christine or are you referring to the ones of your friends in front of the tree linked to the list. I liked them a lot. Terry
TerryS
 
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Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby Chrisryder » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:10 pm

I like the naughty corner because I can arrive here without making any effort!! Chris Ryder, North Wales U.K. :) :)
Chrisryder
 
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Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby Jackie Halhead » Sun Jan 16, 2011 9:15 am

Oh! sometimes it is so good to read some of the jokes posted in the naught corner, and just had a good giggle with some of these.............well done to those who have sent in the last lot.....very, very funny especially the santa one. Keep up the good work, it enlivens a dull day............and it couldn't be more dull, drab and rainy as it is a present in the UK. Best Wishes Jackie ;clap;
Jackie Halhead
 
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Re: ?????????????"The Naughty Corner"

Postby beverly stone » Tue Jan 18, 2011 9:36 pm

While watching the TV and had the remote in hand I was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and a porn channel.
My wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For gosh sake! Leave it on the porn channel, you already know how to fish!"
•••••••••••••••
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asked him, " What happened to you!"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture."
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey this looks like yours!"
I don't remember much after that…….."
•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle fed.
"Breast-fed," she replied……..
"Well, strip down to your waist", the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "Now wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
beverly stone
 
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